Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
