We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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