just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
