Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
