Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The power of my boobs compel you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
