Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
