Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
