you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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