I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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