i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
