I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
