About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize