you guys were way drunker than both of me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
