Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
