I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
