Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
