Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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