Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
