sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
