My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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