I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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