I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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