i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize