I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
