If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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