I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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