He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
