my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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