Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
