I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
