My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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