final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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