Soap is not a condiment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
