I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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