Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
