I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
