my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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