You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone shit on the floor
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
