There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
