i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
