I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
