You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
