Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
