I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
