I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize