dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
