I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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