So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
