I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
honey bunches of taint.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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