I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
