I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
