You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
operation harelip BJ is a go
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
