she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think my moral compass just broke
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
