Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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