I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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