his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bring me that man meat
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize