once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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