I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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