Buhtt sex?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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