Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
