Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
