I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize