Rock
Scissors
Fuck
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
