I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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