i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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