she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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