dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
