The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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