sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
