just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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