best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
