mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
