i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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