Can i not drive my cunt home
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
