It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
