a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He shit in the fireplace
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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