Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
