you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
