He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
