Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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