these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
